tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
