birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
