Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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