allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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