whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
