New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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