i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize