You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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