I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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