Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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