Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
