I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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