it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just had sex on a roof
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize