1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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