I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
