she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Randomize
