the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I have feelings that need drinking.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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