Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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