I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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