Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
