She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
