I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
