Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
