I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
17 year olds will be the death of me.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
