You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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