Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
