I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
