so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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