Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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