Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
