I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I cockslap morals
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize