i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
