Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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