I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
