We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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