can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
