He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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