It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
