did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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