My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
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