I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
