I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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