My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize