Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
