redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
