I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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