you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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