last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
