Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize