I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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