Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
