Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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