I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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