spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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