my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
