i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
How's work?
Spinning.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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