I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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