Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
