You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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