The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
