i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
