So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
