I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
