White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
