Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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