Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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