He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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