pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
