we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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