I must be too annoying 4 u.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
