i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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