Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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