i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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