So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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