Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
