WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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