Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
