pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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