My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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