Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
