Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
