Already got asked if we're dating
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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