Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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